Does time blur together for you, too?
I sometimes feel like my thoughts are a long tangled string of repetitious obsessions. They stumble over each other in my head and fight to get priority. Some are highly emotional. Those always surface strongly during a dramatic scene in a movie or because of a poignant line in a song. I will linger over these and let the feelings steep until they permeate all of me. They leave a sense of emptiness and melancholy behind when I am forced to get out of my now tepid mind soak and re-enter reality, shivering and dripping. Some of my thoughts are starkly logical. They are thoughts about cold hard facts and they usually involve numbers. Like the dollar amount I spent on something or the number of calories I just ate or the ounces of water I've drunk subtracted from how much I need to drink in a day. The minutes I have left until...everything: lunch, nap time, I leave to get Tessa from school, dinner, Anthony gets home, bedtime. Numbers that surround schedules of what is coming and what needs to be done and with whom.
And before I know it, a day has passed. Two days, three. A week. And the knots get tighter and the thoughts multiply like rabbits.
"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?" Psalms 13:2
"For the Lord searches all hearts and minds and understands all the wanderings of the thoughts. If you seek Him you will find Him." 1 Chronicles 28:9
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalms 46:10
2 comments:
I so relate to this piece.
Love this.
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