So a Duck Walks Into a Bar...

And he says to the bartender "Got any grapes?"
The bartender says "No, I don’t have any grapes."
The duck walks out, sorely disappointed.
So the next day, he walks back into the bar, asks the same question, gets the same answer.
The day after, he walks back into the bar, and again, asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender, having still not figured out why this duck seems to think he may have some grapes, says to the duck, "No, and if you come back in here tomorrow and ask me if I have any grapes, I will nail your bill to the bar!"
The duck frowns, turns around, and walks out of the bar. So the next day, the duck walks back into the bar, and asks the bartender "Got any nails?"
The bartender says, "No."
So the duck says, "Got any grapes?"

OK. And my favorite part is picturing the duck frown. It's a strange world in here--wanna join me?

I have to ask. How many things do you do with and to your kids for your own selfish reasons? I can say, at LEAST one. I have been reading Charlotte's Web to Tessa. She really is too young to sit and listen to a chapter book. I'm sure any moment while I am reading to her, she will walk away without so much as a "so long". But so far we have read two chapters and she is hanging in there. She even remembered today what happened in the first chapter which we read yesterday. There are a few colored pictures and I make voices for the characters. I think those are the only things keeping her there so far. Oh and I told her it was a big girl book. "Big Girl". A very temporary bribe but one I am not ashamed to use.

Knock, Knock.
Who's There?
Orange.
Orange Who?
Orange you glad I didn't talk about a sick kid??

Need a New Nightmare

Well, well, well! A lot has happened in the last month or so. And by "a lot" I could mean a lot of dirty diapers, snotty noses, play dates, morning (and afternoon) coffee breaks, laundry, sleepless nights, grilled cheese sandwiches and mac and cheese. But hey, this is an exciting blog. Those of you who got on here thinking this was going to be a catalogue of "what-my-kid-did-that-was-cute-today" can just keep lookin'.

OK. I guess I'll drop the act. Wish it was true sometimes, though.

Still, there has been SOME excitement that was out of the ordinary this past month.

Tessa turned 4. Her birthday party was a blast and still talked about by Tessa as if it were yesterday. Well, that's mainly because in her world, anything happening before right now is yesterday (or sometimes "last night").

Jack learned a few new words:

kee-kee (kitty, kitty)

ba (ball)

papa (papa--he's so proud)

wow (wow)

whoa (whoa)

And, last but not least, the highlight of all highlights: I drove by myself to TEXAS with the kids. And that is why I need a new nightmare. Because once you've driven 14.5 hours with two kids, you realize that, while nightmarish, the experience is no longer a figment of a warped imagination. It is a REALITY. Which is less scary--usually. The trip was supposed to be a grand time of family fun. And while some of it was just that--the virus that attacked Tessa and I stole 4 of the 6 days we spent there. It was--in a word--miserable. The trip home was like driving through my very own personal--

But we made it through somehow. On the wings of prayers, actually. When we finally drug our bodies into the house, I crawled into bed and closed my eyes and I could still feel the highway rolling beneath me. And all I could think was : NEVER AGAIN. Or at least not while I have to play goalie with all the toilets in the restrooms because Jack's hands are as fast and as determined as hockey pucks to splash a home team point. And not while Tessa is young enough to wake up in the middle of the night merely to sit up and throw up all over me and the bed. NEVER AGAIN.