Wanted: Replacement Mother

Family of four in need of replacement mother.

Erratic hours
On call 24/7
Days off subject to last minute cancellation

Must be able to:
Function coherently on very little sleep
Communicate effectively with 2 year old
Negotiate sibling skirmishes
Be extremely diplomatic about friends
Play barbies ad nauseum
Patch up wounds without flinching
Distribute large quantities of snacks from purse at a moment's notice
Dress a man and two children (and yourself) and get them out the door in time for church
And don't worry about a little sand in the car

A sense of humor is a must
Tasteful wackiness is acceptable
But please don't get carried away
You will, above all, be required to set a good example
Creativity is encouraged
You should be subtly intelligent and discreet
It is not necessary to play a musical instrument (but it is a "wow" factor)
You must be willing to sing at the top of your lungs when the situation calls for it

Have a poker face ready at all times
Be clever at answering the "why's"
Be a natural at improv
Know what to do when the muddy dog gets in, the cat gets out, and the 2 yr old is running off with a sharpie in his hands
At the same time

Must sign up for the long haul
Meaning birthdays, graduations, weddings, anniversaries, grandchildren and family reunions
Never lose sight of the important things
The big picture
The little details
Love
And most of all Jesus.